Beyond Flimsy Fences and Spiked Walls are Selective Gates

Instead of saying Yes too often or saying No too harshly…
practice saying No without disconnecting,
saying Yes with qualifications,
drawing your boundaries around behaviors instead of people,
and giving others the keys to accessing you –
through the GATES that you’ve installed.

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The Framework:

Ground ~ Assess ~ Trust ~ Express ~ Steward

Ground

– in your body and your values.

Anchor yourself in your body and your values to discern between safe and unsafe discomfort, to feel into what’s aligned or misaligned for you, and to stay regulated.

>> At work:
Center yourself and revisit the core values of the project at hand or your targets for this quarter.

Assess

– your capacity and your true Yes.

Take an honest inventory of your finite resources of time, energy, attention, etc – and connect with what you’re truly a YES to, so you can say No from that more expansive energy.

>> At work:
Review your actual available resources (deadlines, financial budget, support staff, etc), and reconnect to the desired outcome that inspires you and supports the company’s mission.

Trust

– in the other’s ability to manage.

Honor the sovereignty of others, their ability to problem-solve (you are rarely anyone’s only resource), and their capacity to recover from any disappointment in your No.

>> At work:
When emails keep coming in after hours, or you get invites to meetings that you’d be stretched to make, or people ask you for things that don’t serve your end goals – remember that being strategic about your attention will be more beneficial to the company than being endlessly available, and trust that your team can get on without you while you’re doing your part.

Express

– your No without disconnecting.

Communicate about your boundaries with honesty, compassion, respect, and ownership, while also staying connected to your counterpart. (You can always follow a No with a Yes!)

>> At work:
Turn down misaligned invitations and requests clearly and kindly. You don’t have to go into lengthy explanations, but you can offer alternatives, or add a little context so they don’t feel shut out.

Steward

– your precious resources.

Uphold your boundaries consistently, so you’re able to show up resourced – for your own inner child and wellbeing, as well as the people and projects you care most about.

>> At work:
Put focus blocks in your calendar that you honor like any other appointment. Be really clear and upfront with your team about your availability, so your boundaries don’t get tested as much. And be consistent about sticking to it, so you generate a culture of trust and respect.